welcome to my life.

this boy right here. i love him. always have and always will. we’ve been through some relationship shit but we were lucky enough to not come out of it bitter. i know he’ll always be here for me and i know i’ll always be there for him. there’s some people in this world who no matter how hard you try to stop loving them, you just cant do it. he’s that person for me. he brings laughter into my life. for a while he and i weren’t really talking and i realized i stopped laughing. finally, we resolved our conflict and i realized i have laughed so much more in the past week. i really love him and he’ll always be one of my best friends.

you are absolutely stunning, can i be you?

this life is so much more than i can even grasp. i really dont know what else to do to impress people anymore. but why does everyone need to be impressed? why cant people just be happy with who they see. i’m a horrible ‘best’ friend. i just found out that my best friend was in a suicidal hospital unit the other day. how couldnt i see that it got that bad? because im a shitty friend. thats the only explanation i can possibly come up with. but i dont feel like i’ve left anyone. ive never intended for my friends to feel that way. i just dont know what else to do. and even though i’ve never left anyone, mostly everyone has left me. they’ve given up. but i guess its the ones who truly love me are the ones that have still stuck it out. basically the only people that havent given up on me are the ones who have been there since gradeschool and a few others. most of my friends i made in high school were in and out friends. its a shame because i thought they’d always love me no matter what i did. i have no clue who is really here anymore and i really dont think it’ll ever go back to when i was happy. to be honest, i can’t even remember the last time i was honesty happy. or maybe i do. july 17th and the whole week after that. i love you forever. and i’m so sorry i hurt you.  

people have told me that they’re jealous. they’re jealous of my friendships. they’re jealous of my friday and saturdays. they’re jealous, they’re jealous, they’re jealous. i’m jealous of those people. i’m jealous because you have a few good friends. because you probably have really good grades. because you’re set and you haven’t been forced into alot of things. i give people the wrong idea of myself. people think i go and party. people think i get drunk every weekend. people think i’ve changed. i’ve just changed because of emptiness. i’m filling it by becoming a fake. people got the wrong idea about me and filled their heads with all the shit they’ve wanted, and pushed me out. they left, i got empty. i’ve become what you’ve made me. i’ve been destroyed and pretending i’m okay is the only way i get by. i just want things back. i don’t party every weekend. i haven’t changed. besides for the fact that i’ve gotten quiet because i’ve learned not talking to anyone won’t get me in any trouble. a few weeks ago my mom was telling someone how i used to be the happiest kid ever. i would always be smiling. but then she continued on to saying how unhappy i’ve gotten. she said i’m never smiling and she sees me being worn out. i’m worn out from pretending. i’ve pretended i’m okay with everything thats been happening to me since last october. and i’m being pulled. i can’t be what everyone expects of me. i’m jealous of you because you have a few good friends but i’m a fake. and thats all i’ll ever be.

if you’re going through hell,
just keep going

We are young, we run free
Stay up late, we don’t sleep
Got our friends, got the night
We’ll be alright

hey tumblr, i’m back.

I used to think one day we’d tell the story of us, how we met and the sparks flew instantly. People would say they’re the “lucky ones”. I used to know my place was a spot next to you, now I’m searching the room for an empty seat.
Cause lately I don’t even know what page you’re on. A simple complication, miscommunications lead to fallout. So many things that I wish you knew,
so many walls up that I can’t break through. Now I’m standing alone in a crowded room and we’re not speaking. And I’m dying to know is it killing you, like it’s killing me? I don’t know what to say since a twist of fate, when it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now. How’d we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy. And you’re doing your best to avoid me. I’m starting to think one day I’ll tell the story of us, how I was losing my mind when I saw you here. But you held your pride like you should have held me. I’m scared to see the ending why are we pretending this is nothing?
I’d tell you I miss you but I don’t know how I’ve never heard silence quite this loud.This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side. The battle’s in your hands now,
but I would lay my armor down if you say you’d rather love than fight.
So many things that you wish I knew but the story of us might be ending soon.


i wonder why i did it. i can’t change it now. and i was more upset then i was happy, right? i’m young, the ladies at the retirement home said i gotta play the field while i still can. the weird thing is, not even a month ago i was in nashville, and i only reason i wanted to be home was to see him. but now we’re friends. i hope this was he right thing to do. I’M SORRY. on to the next one.